Now with my egotism out of the way, let’s get on to more entertaining matters.

To celebrate the end of the prelims, my ex-classmates organised a barbecue with a budget of close to $300. Coincidentally, the date was the night before my birthday so my mum conceded and booked the pit at my condominium.

I woke up groggy as ever at 11am (I should stop sleeping at 4) and thought I would have at least 7 hours before everyone started arriving. After all, I booked the pit from 7-11pm. Instead, Christopher came at 4, Joshua and a bunch of jackasses who I didn’t ask to come early came at 4.30, and Timothy came at 5. Not that it wasn’t fun. We played Counterstrike over LAN using the 3 computers in my house and the rest played monopoly (hurr). Unfortunately, some idiot had to camp every time we played so we bitch-slapped him in game until he flew into the air and fell to his death. People put the weirdest things into videogames.

Later on, when a huge crowd started appearing way too early, I decided to get everyone out of my house and to the BBQ pit. We waited there while people started trickling in in groups of twos and threes, all the while waiting for the people who were supposed to bring the food. They didn’t arrive until 8. They took a taxi, got off because it was too expensive, walked in circles (presumably), and then took another taxi to my house. I mean, what the hell?

So we finally got the charcoal and equipment, and then came the fun part of starting the fire. The two main firestarters were this Arabian guy and this Indian guy. The Arabian guy, being a callously aggressive nutsack, immediately started smashing the charcoal with metal grille on the floor. The Indian guy broke it apart with his hands. When spreading the charcoal evenly, the Arabian dude just started tossing pieces onto one another, forming some sort of cancerous looking tumor. The Indian guy instead started forming what everyone called “temples” (LA LA LA I’M NOT BEING RACIST IN ANYWAY), trying to make them as nicely stacked as possible.

When we finally got down to the cooking, we spent an hour burning the food and not actually cooking it by exposing the food to a direct flame. We totally forgot that we had to fan the shit out of the pit. Stupidity ftw.

In a few hours, the charcoal had completely burnt out, and we still had craploads of leftover food. So somebody had to run back to 7-11 or whatever it was and scramble back with more charcoal, with half an hour left in the booking time.

That’s when the cake was brought out, and the candles lit, and the birthday song was sung. Although truthfully, the first five songs to be sung were some Bollywood songs in Tamil, Happy birthday in Malay, and then Chinese, and then Merry Christmas (my favourite), and then finally the English birthday song.  The cake was then thusly sliced and given out, although a 3rd of it was left untouched.

That’s when the Indian guy decided to fling the entire remainder, in its full creamy goodness, right into the left side of my face. Then a bunch of people started picking up the cake and flinging it at each other, causing a huge mess in the playground. Way to go. Somehow, I got a weird cut on my face from the cake, although I have no idea how it happened. :/ I later then tried to ambush-hug my attacker with cake but I failed because he jumped into the swimming pool .

All in all, that was a pretty good birt- woah 600 words.

I’m not going to put any more effort into this post.

Goodbye.

wait.. what?

..my blog is telling me to do things.

Seriously, how corny can these things get?

I’m not sure how the whole parade kicked off, because I only started watching at about 6.30pm and apparently it started hours earlier. Oh well, no biggie. I can still rant on everything else I saw like a bitchy little kid.

First of all, what’s up with the highly disturbing gigantic group dancing? I mean, there was this part where I saw middle aged women (like, in their 40′s) in bizarre feathery Lady Gaga-esque costumes dancing really badly with scary, scary, scary looking smiles.

I have created a really bad diagram to illustrate what I mean. (although you could hardly classify it as a “diagram”.)

Also, what’s up with the random music selection? I mean, you’re celebrating  national day, and you want to get a rapper to get on stage and sing about your “home-boys” (yes, I think the rapper actually used that term or something along that line.)  Also, they actually used this song:

Seriously?

Download audio file (Grow Up And Blow Away.mp3)

Flooding the room
Two by two
From the womb
To the holiday
There is no holiday
First double-cross her heart
He wants to start a family
Needing something to go on

If she weren’t writing in blood
She’d bring him her jokes
A new liver
And a shovel for the mud
If he were not knee-deep in mud
He’d bring her his drugs
He’d get her a typewriter

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…

Nobody knows which street to take
He took the easy way
What was the easy way?
First double-cross her heart
He wants to start a family
She always thought she would not.

If she weren’t writing in blood
She’d bring him her jokes
A new liver
And a shovel for the mud
If he were not knee-deep in mud
He’d bring her his drugs
He’d get her a typewriter

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…

First double-cross her heart
He wants to start a family
Her body is the baby.

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…

Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away…

Long time since I made a post with a song in it. This one’s really all up to the listener’s interpretation, because it could be about so many things.

It could refer to a) The disillusionment we all get as we grow up,

or more depressingly,

b) Suicide as the easy way out of a relationship. (her body is the baby – once the girl dies, her partner might start living for real?)

and even more depressingly

c) It’s about getting older and giving up on dreams to instead take the easy way out and follow a more traditional lifestyle.

Sometimes it’s just interesting to take a long, hard look at your lyrics.

So that’s 45 words and leaving the post at that would make you feel like you’ve wasted your time and bandwith loading this webpage. Therefore, I’m going to insert sexist jokes and funny images into this post to make it substantial. See how much I care?

1. One day, Adam (of the Bible) began to feel lonely and decided he wanted a partner. So he pleaded with God, begging for a partner with exquisite features, excellent personality and who would serve him well. God thought for a moment and said “Okay, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.”

Adam replied with, “Damn, what can I get for a rib?”

2. A man ran over his wife. Whose fault was it?

Answer: The man’s. He shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen

3.

4.

WHAT A BORING POST

‘Twas a fine summers day. The sky was painted bright blue, birds were chirping, generic unnecessary description about the day, monkeys monkeys chimpanzees. Unfortunately, all of that does not matter because the class in question was inside a computer lab.

You see, they had been called upon to do a survey set by the Ministry of Education to asses the school’s performance. They were given about an hour or so to complete a quiz that would take a normal human being about fifteen minutes to do, provided he was not suffering from some mental deficiency. So, as all humans do when they find themselves staring aimlessly at a computer, they opened the *impressive deep voice* WEB BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

!

..don’t know why I did that.

Anyway, this boy who I won’t name and I will instead call ABC, decided to go to his favourite online games’ website, blackshot.com. Which was apparently the wrong URL and was blocked by the school’s filter for “pornography”. The boy next to him, which I will also not name, and instead call Christopher Sim, immediately asked really loudly why ABC was watching porn. ABC immediately got angry and denied he was trying to access a porn site in school, which was probably true. But you know, it’s a boys school.

A few other boys who heard what was going on immediately decided to take the next sensible course of action and post status updates on Facebook claiming ABC tried to open a porn site in school. That was the final straw for ABC.

Later, during a Chinese lesson, ABC was brooding angrily while the Chinese teacher discussed about an outing with her class. When she asked ABC whether he was coming, ABC finally snapped and turned to Christopher Sim, cursing vulgarities at him and saying that he ruined his “reputation” in very very bad Chinese, so bad that the Chinese teacher thought he was speaking English.

Skipping ahead a few hours, school was dismissed. ABC went home and immediately started posting whiny messages on Facebook about how the ENTIRE CLASS SUXX0RS!!11oneoneleven and that the “gangs” in the class were out to get him or something like that. He was then flamed and grilled by the rest of the classmates. At about 9pm that day, a certain someone started a blog post about the entire debacle and he just finished it.

Richard Dawkins, biologist at Oxford University:

“It is raining DNA outside. On the banks of the Oxford canal is a large willow tree, and it is pumping fluffy seeds into the air. The water is white with floating cottony flecks.

The cotton wool is mostly made of cellulose, and it dwarfs the tiny capsule that contains the DNA, the genetic information. The DNA content is just a small part of the total, so why did I say it was raining DNA rather than cellulose? The answer is that it is the DNA that matters.

The cellulose fluff is just a parachute, to be discarded. The sole aim of the whole performance – cotton wool, tree and all – is the spreading of DNA around the countryside. Not just any DNA, but DNA whose coded characters spell out specific instructions for building willow trees that will shed a new generation of fluffy seeds.

It is raining instructions out there; it’s raining tree-growing, fluff-spreading programmes. That is the plain truth. It couldn’t be any plainer if it were raining floppy disks.”

That is one impressive quote, but sadly, it isn’t going to get me any marks.

You really really ought to. Because happiness shall overwhelm you.

Well, hello again. Can’t believe I let this site rot for two weeks.

I got distracted by the recent Steam two weeks of Steam sales. Day after day, awesome slashed prices on Steam games. To the nerds reading this, I bought Cryostasis (3 bux), Portal (2 bux), Beat Hazard (2.50 bux), Day of Defeat: Source (2.50 bux), Rainbow Six Vegas 2 (6.69 bux) and Mass Effect (5 bux).

I regret buying Cryostasis and Mass Effect, because both games feel way to clunky and have mediocre combat. Oh well. I was pretty happy with the rest, especially since they were all so cheap (20 USD for 6 games!)

Moving on, I got myself a new pair of Shure headphones. Got sick of the lack of isolation of my old Sennheisers (PMX 60s) and the way too overpowering treble. My new cans are the Shure SRH440′s, and they are really huge black beasts that I totally and utterly love.

$140 on sale!

Really good sound isolation, so much so that when my brother shouted at me from the across the room, I couldn’t actually hear him. The bass is really strong and warm, which is good for metal and hard rock, although the mids tend to fade out a little when the bass gets pumping too hard. Still very satisfied with them, though.

What other shit have I done these past two weeks? I played guitar so hard that my finger actually spurted blood all over the strings and the wood, that was pretty interesting. Although I’m quite sure the huge amount of rust on the strings entered my wound. I wonder if I’m going to get gangrene. Maybe then I’ll have to chop my arm off. Is that how it works?

(I was going to end off this post with a picture of someone’s finger infected with gangrene, but it grossed me out, so no. no. no. no.)

• The man with an expression that was trying too hard to be cool, walking around with a gigantic swagger and carrying a single can of beer in a transparent plastic bag prominently.
• The extremely insecure couple, kissing, hugging, touching in each other in fun spots while on public transport.
• The stubborn old uncles and aunties, cutting in front of everyone while putting on a pissed off expression all the time
• The depressed working class people who look like they have got their souls sucked out of them.
• The obnoxious crowd of girls who obviously need to seek attention by shouting to each other instead of talking.
• …and that creepy looking kid listening to music and giving everybody else odd stares.

oh wait. Last one’s me.

hurrr

Video Game Stereotypes!